Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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