idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I will be naked everywhere
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
