Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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