just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
