what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
