why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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