If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
