woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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