so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
