like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
