the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
