thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
