I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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