His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
