i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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