i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
