A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
