where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
