I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
