i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
