i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
