There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
