I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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