Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
