So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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