before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
