I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
