Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
