Your face is a jimmy john
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think my moral compass just broke
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
