I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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