Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
