I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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