Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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