Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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