Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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