I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
