U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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