the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
