watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
