I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
