Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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