And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
