Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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