Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
