that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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