she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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