What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
