Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
