What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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