i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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